Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
CHAPTER 6
Crazily all I could see was white. White walls. White sheets. White ceilings. White tiled floors. White desks and lamps and tables and syringes and iv drips and cables and buttons.
Everything is white.
It was all I can remember, after that nothing else. On how I recovered? i do not know. I just know after what happened, all I could remember is you dying in my arms.
Of you going away, far away from me. All I could see is you creeping your fingers towards me and waking me up.
"Don't sleep. Stay awake."
"-Awake."
Awake.
Awake.
Awake? A term I didn't know matters much. But to you, me being awake is what mattered most, even before struggling to survive. All we talked about, all we said during your last few minutes: they weren't a dream aren't they?
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I feel you pulsing in me. I feel every bit of you in me. Like liquid, you begin to flood my every inch, there is nothing but the feeling of you, making me whole.
But that's all I am now, right? Something a fraction of a whole, something lesser than me. Because you are gone. Part of me has gone where you took it as you breathed your last breath. And I have to depend on these to become whole again. That somehow, you in liquid form, could mend me in moments.
That is a wish. And an ineffective medicine.
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"He should be taking this in stride." He said. He clasped his hands together, resting them on the olden oak table.
"Yes he should have been 'cured' now. But he has a weird side effect to his trauma that we did not expect." She sighed. This was getting nowhere. At the very start, she was against this. Against using him, as he was going to be unstable.
"He must've been easy to bend. There are no tricks to him. He's very clear cut about what is black and white." He said. He knew he was the one who pushed them to infiltrate his mind. And he guessed it would work well. But it didn't, and they're getting pretty impatient.
"Then we should try to upgrade. I think it's time for Phase Circe to start on him." She said, without any emotion on her voice.
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He held my hand. It was invigorating, his fingers lay between mine. Interlaced. As though we were shoelaces on the sneakers of that shitty punk rock hipster across the street.
He smiled. Goddamn toothy, commercial worthy smile of his.
"So you reckon it's better for me to accept this, do you?" He said. He let that sentence dwell on me, looking and searching my eyes for a hint of aversion. Of course not. I wanted him to stay.
"What else am I going to do, when you must've ended your lease and brought out all your fucking clothes and things here?" I said. He knows he will win this time around. I opened the door wider, not minding that I was only in my boxer briefs that time.
He then dropped his bags and held my face in between his palms, inching closer at a speed faster than airplane should be. I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips in mine.
And then I waited. And waited. Until I opened my eyes in irritation. Fuck him.
"I'm fucking happy, babe."
"I know, so fucking kiss me already."
"And what, do that here, in front of your house? Announcing to your neighbors that that popular commercial ad hunk from the tv is your boyfriend?" He smirked. Fuck him, twice.
"I don't care."
"You really don't." He said, laughing as he pushed me aside and dragged all his bags inside. I could only roll my eyes at this. I began to help him put his assorted random things inside my flat. Clothes, a few choice small furniture, and a big box filled with whatever crazy stuff he has.
"Why the hell have you so many fucking things?" I said as he put inside that last box filled with books. Homer's Illiad, Milton's Paradise Lost, Alighieri, Rowling, Martin, Tolkien, Kiirkegaard, Foucault. Hmm, never knew he was a reader.
I lean on the kitchen counter, pushing the button of my coffee machine on. He sits in front of me, sitting on my dining chair as though he was in a commercial, crossing his legs and leaning towards me.
"Cause I usually travel a lot when working, I had to live of essentials that you could simply haul away. But I'm finding it hard to leave Manila right now."
"Why? There are more opportunities for your cheesy ass work, not to mention you're the type that could go anywhere."
"You're here."
"And what's that got to do with your work?" I sneered. I wouldn't admit it to myself at that time, but I was inexplicably happy at that statement.
"My life now revolves around you and this shitty relationship we have. Deal with it." He hunches forward, grinning. Damn, he's hungry.
I pour the dark brewed Ceylon coffee on two equal porcelain mugs. He looks at me interestingly, like I was something to eat. Uh-oh.
"What shitty relationship?" I said as I approach him, giving him one cup. He pats the seat near him for me to sit on, and turns towards me. He took a short sip and smiles.
"This shitty relationship." He leans in and kisses me. I can feel his moist damp lips on mine, and feel his perfect white teeth on my tongue. I can feel him probing mine with vigor I returned.
I groaned. He laughed. His hands were on my waist, stroking every inch of skin. "You're too cute."
"You're too hot." He smirked. He hugged me tighter at this.
"Stop complimenting me."
"I'm not. You're literally, hot." His hands were now on the crevices of my back, touching every bit of skin.
"Then let's take this to the bath so you could cool down?" He smiled.
Fuck him. Literally.
"You just want to see me naked."
"Touche, my dear, touche."
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