Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
CHAPTER 4
His whispers became louder in my ear, reverberating in my head like sonar bat thingamajibs (or how whatever sonic shit they got going on). All I could hear is him saying that he would love me 'til I would want to and how complete he makes me and how he needs me to be really okay...
All he whispered was "You are mine."
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Somehow, I awoke again. Not in my dreams nor in my reality, but in that millisecond nightmare where all the blood left your head. Where your eyes suddenly lost its focus and my hands forgot to feel - anything is as gloomy in my life was quickly usurped.
You died.
In my arms, where your blood flowed between the crevices of my fingers and where you begin to fall into the darkness of afterlife.
I felt it was as necessary to live my life through reliving that thought of you in my arms. To not let you be forgotten. That was my curse and my memory speaking to my conscience that it was already okay. That I will not breakdown again today. But it wasn't. Everything's the same as before.
My hands are red, with your blood, and it's shaking. Incessantly, I grip your chest and pump. And pump. And pump. Trying to keep you alive: trying an clinging on to that small hope that you will smile back again to me and say that you hurt.
Everything is noise to me. The gloved hand stopping me in trying to keep you alive. The smoke bellowing through the air, clouding my visions. The tears streaking through my eyes and flowing down, on your face. Everything is as unfocused in my mind as chaos built on this accident.
I tried. But I couldn't keep you to me.
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He licked my lips as though he tasted things that only he knew of. It was driving me insane to think of what is running across his mind right now.
As we look around us, there was only the neighborhood cat who meowed into the night. As if sensing our desires, as if it feels the way I do, stuck between his lips and his whispers.
"You taste good."
"I'd better be, if you're this incessant about kissing me this hard." He laughed at that. He neared me and licked my lips, slowly dragging his tongue against me.
"What can I do, when you're looking like that?" He ground his hips to mine, eliciting something akin to a moan in me. He was fucking enjoying this.
"Like what, asshole?" He ground again.
"Like you're the only one for me."
"-and I'm supposed to say what?" He grinned. He knows he has already won.
"I'm yours, babe."
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6:37 AM. Where I can only see the white walls. All I could see is your blood in my hands. It wasn't supposed to be this way. We should have been through this shit longer. You shouldn't have died. You with that shit eating grin of yours. You with that ineloquent mouth that would only say dirty things into my ear.
I never believed that what we begun was something more than sex. Because it was. And it wasn't. And I cursed myself for that every single time I think of you.
The way you were in me. The way I was in you. The way you seemed to know what was in my mind even before I spoke it. The way you knew who I was before I could speak about me. The way I could grasp every single thing you do, and make my imagination run wild with your grace and eloquence.
I would never have you again.
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She drawled her fingers into my back, as if making words out of me. I could never fathom how she could be so amazed at what I am doing or what I am saying. Or how my interest is shifting between her lips. Between her mind.
"You should get up right now."
"Why?"
"You know this is a one off thing right? The part where I pick you out from the crowd, get you to loosen up, baiting you to come home to my place and maybe, just maybe, get into bed?"
"You mean a one night stand kind of thing? Yeah I know." I stretched.
"But?"
"What but?" She exasperated.
"You know, but I want you to be the one yadda yadda shit." She smiled.
"Ah going for seconds are we?" I laughed.
"So you're objectifying yourself into a dish?"
"No, although technically I'm that delectable."
"So what do you propose? I want to see you, I know you want or need me. In that way. Here's to a partnership?"
"You mix things up, eh? Make things sound like a contract signing?"
"Well, for a model like me, you need to." I could almost smell the sarcasm and sneer to that. She could always make me be interested in what she thought of.
"So you're a model?"
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6:37 AM. I could hear your name in my head resounding in my thoughts. I love you. I love you. I need you.
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